Jealousy, I personally feel is an emotion that everyone has felt before. I personally have and it has stemmed from insecurity.
Although with communication and realizing that you love your significant other and vis versa the insecurities go away. But all I can say is jealousy can be dangerous because it trickles in another emotion which is suspicion. Then all of a sudden thoughts of cheating beings to sneak into your brain and you start accusing your significant other of things that are not even true.
So for the sake of love don't get jealous with your significant other, he or she chose you because he or she loves YOU! Although I was interested in asking others what there take was on jealousy.
Ajaycia Jackson, who majored in psychology and recently graduated at Clark Atlanta University was able to answer some of the questions I had on this topic.
Jackson has always been interested in human behavior and what motivates humans to do certain things. But then it turned into her realizing that there is a huge need for mental health assistance especially in the Black community which is why she choose psychology and stuck with it.
I was able to do a poll on my Instagram and I asked my followers who gets jealous more, women or men? Then I was able to find in my poll that 45% chose women and 55% chose men.
L.A. county resident, Jessica Lugo chose that women get more jealous than men do. Although she is a women she stated, "The reason why I chose women get more jealous than men do, is because we were naturally wired that way from the start. And what I mean by that is, let's take it back it maybe the 50's, 60's,70's era where women didn't really have much rights and say, and we were wired to be housewives. As generations pass by women then start becoming more free and the old mindset generation would get jealous since men tend to usually get bored of them easily and men would get distracted by another attractive women and so housewives get jealous.
Lugo continued, "But the point is I'm trying to get is we weren't taught love self esteem at a young age. Women "priorities " was to become a mother and a housewife and no one was focusing on telling us young lads hey you don't need to become a housewife be free sort of stuff."
While Will Pinfold of Scotland, chose that men get more jealous than women on my Instagram poll. Pinfold disagreed and said, "Despite the stereotype that women are in more danger from their jealous partners, I think it is more of an individual/personal thing and not so much between the other sex and vis versa."
According to Jackson, men and women of course have the ability to get jealous at the same things, it’s just dependent on that person and their relationship and even the situation.
"But as a whole men seem to get more jealous at more sexual things (not saying women don’t) and women seem to get more jealous at more of the emotional things. What I mean by that is men may get more upset if they’re partner had sex with someone else rather than them being emotionally attached to someone else. For women (in most cases not all) its the opposite. But that doesn’t mean that men and women can’t or don’t get jealous at the same things", Jackson stated.
Although I may be Filipino, I will say that both women and men in the Philippines get very jealous. According to online educational website seasite.niu.edu, a Filipino woman may show "tampo" if she feels jealous or neglected by her significant other. Tampuhan is basically a lover's quarrel often manifested in a silent treatment.
Again on, online website filipinawives.com.au, in the showbiz and entertainment section, celebrity romances are sensationalized by introducing infidelity rumors: break up, make up, break up again. Wives, too; one of the craziest headlines I’ve ever read was about a woman who castrated her philandering partner.
This is not to say that Filipinos are inherently murderous monogamists. Whether suspicions are warranted or unfounded is sometimes beside the point. Jealousy has its case-by-case origins, but many Filipinos nurture a great anxiety over abandonment.
Nevertheless here in the Western culture Jackson said, "Jealously is a not form of love at all. Don’t think jealousy is synonymous with love. Of course when you love someone you are very passionate and you care about them. However when a person starts to display the obsessive and jealous behavior that makes their partner uncomfortable or it creates problem in a relationship that’s a problem. Wanting to protect your partner and love them is one thing but being jealous does not represent or signify love."
Mentioning showbiz above, it is a possibility that it can be a part of how we see and interpret jealousy. As reported by Jackson, "It could play a role. Behaviors can definitely be learned so if people see jealous behavior displayed in their homes or in their friend groups they may begin to think it’s okay and that’s what love is. Especially with the influence of social media and popular culture. But at the end of the day it’s an expression of what the person feels about themselves."
A lot of women I have spoke to or have gotten to have a conversation with has said they overthink, and I will be quite honest I overthink from time to time and it is normal although a question that has sparked is if jealousy can be a product of overthinking?
It definitely could be. A person could think they’re not good enough for their significant other, or they may be really anxious which can lead to over thinking and over analyzing of situations which can lead to obsessive or jealous behavior", according to Jackson.
As mentioned before insecurities can cause jealousy or it also depends on trust and if there is a lack of trust. Jackson mentioned, however it really comes from possessiveness and insecurity and both people in a relationship are capable whether it’s male or female.
Sometimes people in their relationships purposely make their significant partner jealous like we see on TV shows or read in books and Jackson added that that person may see it as a way of getting back at their partner, especially if they have been jealous about something in the past. Or they could be doing it because they don’t think their partner appreciates them enough.
Originally from Pal Springs but now LA resident, Deejah Rios said that the root of jealousy is a combination of both low self esteem and no trust. Rios added that it is definitely low self confidence because when one is feeling down about themselves they take it out on other people or their significant other.
Likewise, Will Pinfold of Scotland agreed that it is also a self esteem and self confidence issue. But more commonly it is rooted from self esteem and lack of self confidence.
I know it can be hard for jealousy not to pass through time to time but there are ways that a person can work on not getting jealous in relationships.
New Jersey native Gladys R stated that jealousy is normal and that it happens. A way to help a person not feel jealous in the relationship is by communicating.
"Keep each other updated and let your partner know how you feel and if they truly care about you they would understand", the New Jersey native added.
While Margot Berthelier who is from Dijon, France expressed that you should work on yourself because we are responsible of our own emotions and it our job to cure our own jealousy, and that's just me.
I personally believe that there are definitely ways that people as individuals and then as a couples can work on the feelings of jealousy.
"If the jealously is justifiable, say there has been infidelity or they have lost your trust then there is some counseling and work that needs to be done. Or there may be a need to find a new partner altogether. However, communication can go a long way. And making sure that the communication is allowed on both ends. Both people should have a say and you both need to come to an understanding. Also, refrain from watching their social media and finding things to get jealous over. That will increase the tendencies you are trying to get rid of! And if you feeling a sense of inadequacy, insecurity and a lack of confidence it’s up to that person to work on that themselves while their partner can be supportive and reassuring to them at the same thing", Clark Atlanta University alumna said.
On a personal level, I used to be the jealous one in relationships because I had a low self -esteem. Luckily through several self-help books, I have learned through realizations that getting rid of jealousy comes from within. I learned I have to love my self and know that I am worth it!
When it comes to relationships on the other hand, every blue moon I get a itty bitty jealous but like what Jackson said communication is key. I do communicate with my boyfriend and it feels way better talking it out with your significant other.
So on an end note jealousy is normal just work on not getting jealous because it will really make you overthink and bring toxic vibes in your life.
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